To celebrate the holiday season, a donation has been made in your name to THE HUMAN FUND, Money for people. HAPPY FESTIVUS!

so about 2 weeks ago my glasses broke in an unfortunate 3 way drunken blacking out type of hug. regardless, i went to D.O.C. and had the eye examination, picked out some new frames and gave them all of my money. i went in today to pick them up (hooray!) and to get my eyes dilated (boo!). as it turns out, what i'm wearing right now is the WRONG frame, right prescrip. sigh. so now i'm waiting again for the frames that cost me all of my money. in the meantime, i'm rockin' the faux new ones which are so similar to the last ones that D.O.C. is kind of lucky. it's a good thing that the chief o' chiefs works there or else i'd be trying to figure out a way to sue them. at least internally. or something. shut up.

someone come over to my house and wrap my presents. thanks.

after work i'm going to see tracy at paramount salon to get my brows all waxed (and waned). that's right, i've since developed a "relationship" with a salon that is NOT khin-do! i feel bad, but it's a good thing. the feeling bad part that is. yep. and it's less than $25 so there's that to consider about how i'm really not the owner of extra cash so i shouldn't do shit like spend money on shit like my eyebrows. but i have so little to work with that i feel like it's worth it.

i'll be giving up Hope for new year's in case you were wondering.

oh yea, back to the dilation. since i had to DRIVE basically immediately after she examined my eyes in such a harsh way, i'm sporting those plastic 3-D looking, ray charles-esque plastic "sunglasses." the thing is, the line to get IN the door at s. brookings is insane. boys want me in the tri-state area so HARD that i had to lease out a whole OTHER vagina to keep the shit going. sore i am. i'd take a picture of the hottness that is me and put it up here, but i don't want anyone to ruin their monitors with the juices that will no doubt immediately sprout upon viewing the love.

apparently my eyes are so bloodshot and droopy that they've been commented upon TWICE by the SAME PERSON. i went to look in my hideously harsh and too real compact and it's true. i look like i've had quite a night or day or afternoon or morning. either way, i look totally wasted. i'm feeling really good and confident.

go eva! oh that's right, no one really cares all that much about america's next top model. well, some of you do. but yea, go eva! fuck YOU, ya ya. fucking ivy leaguers can't be getting contracts with cover girl. duh. go cure some incurable disease.

and oh so soon, i'll be back in the virtual arms of my jack bauer. i'm waiting. in the meantime, paulers, get a HUGE plasma screen so i can come over and watch it with you. thanks in advance. law talkin dudes rake in the cash. i just shit it out, forget that it's money, and flush. i didn't go to an ivy league university is the thing, nor did i even finish learnin. schoolin.

the college of arts & sciences office (i work in the faculty office, dicks) has a secret santa each year and they ask us admins over here to participate so since i didn't last year and the guilt they lay is THICK, i "had" to this time around. what did i get for my 4 days of $1 gifts? a portable ashtray that looks like a pill case (i used this last night in maggie's car!), some poor man's altoids called ragold's perfectly intense cinnamon mints, a tea ball (supposed to hold your tea bag - heh - in the mug or something; i don't drink tea), a huge Friends-esque mug, some faux gold earrings in the shape of - get this - a WREATH and then on the last day for the big $10 gift i got a FLASHLIGHT with TWO different LIGHTS and one of them MOVES and batteries. gotta love warren. and then in our office proper, we have our own name drawing/gift giving exchange and i got.....spices. okay. guess i'll be making something edible? speaking of, for the party yesterday, my hash brown casserole was a huge hit. it's all about putting extra sour cream and cheese up in that mix. actually, it was my 1st time making it (virgin!) but it really did turn out fine. sorry martha, i couldn't hang with dirtying up all kinds of pots and pans and bowls over at maggie's and fuck making some kind of rogue when i'm hangover. Next time. Her Mac 'n cheese, while DELISH, was way too complex on the kind of headache i was blossom.

the mailman. i miss him so much. WHY CAN'T THIS JUST KIND OF WORK OUT YOU GUYS? WE'RE *THIS* GALLDARN CLOSE, LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH SO I CAN CONTINUE BEING BITTER & MISERABLE. i should just tell him next time i see him, "this isn't working out, i'm not happy" and let it lie.

joe lies. Am i the ONLY one who gets this almighty reference? Really?

i have to do everything.

the work madness has come to a close so i'm just putzin around until i get told to go home early (keep your shenanigans crossed) on Thursday. Those are my immediate plans for Washington university in St. Louis. the truth of the matter is, i'm all caught up! Alright! and i have TWO poinsettas on my desk. or is it poinsettia? Either way, they aren't coming home with me. i'll kill them immediately and/or my cat will merely LOOK at it, sneeze all over my face and die. i can't gamble like that. One of the red poison plants is little, the other one is huge and when given to me, he said, "this is to bribe you for the future." cause it's not already my job to make time happen in this man's calendar. Silly whites and their bribes of plants. Give me CASH. that's the only thing that makes us nigs hop.